Pride (in the name of love), sequel to "Never..."
by JoJo1
Summary: Marie's running again, from her POV


Archiving: WRFA, Mutual Admiration, Dolphin Haven. Anyone else, ask first please.  
Disclaimer: Fine, fine. They're not mine. Everyone happy now?  
Feedback: Sure, bring it on.  
Setting: After the movie  
Authors notes: U2's turn to supply me with a title...  
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Okay, now I've done it. Again. Letting my temper and pride get the better of  
me. Now I'm completely alone. Again. Why don't I ever learn? I must be a glutton  
for punishment or something.Oh, the shrink would certainly have a field day with me.  
  
You can't be completely sane if you just walk out on the only friend you might   
still have. True, he did hurt my feeling pretty bad. No, scratch pretty. He   
completely ignored them or ripped them out of my heart and did a little dance   
on them if you want to be completely blunt and honest about it.  
  
Then again, what did I really expect? I told Logan I expected him to at least  
try to be there for me but that wasn't entirely true. Hoping and praying against all  
rationality is more like it. It's not like he's mister senistivity, is it Marie?  
He almost dumped me on the side of the road in Canada first time I saw him so  
did you really expect him to be there for you?  
  
No, not really. But I so desperately wanted to believe it. Like when he gave me  
his dogtags. I don't really know why he did that but wanted to believe he did  
it as a sign that he cared so much about me that he gave me his most priced  
possession that he would eventually come back.  
  
Did I really read him that wrong? That beneath that ruff exterior and his  
I-don't-give-a-shit attitude there was a noble, honourable and loveable man?  
Was I wrong on that? I still can't believe that. If he was like he wants  
the world to think, he would never have done what he did in order to save  
me - the dumping on the side of the road notwithstanding. No way, no how.   
  
It feels like I'm missing something here. Something fundamental that could  
explain his behaviour. But what?  
  
  
  
How I'd love to know! But it's too late for that now. I deserted him when  
he tried to make amends. He sure has at least as much as pride as I have.  
Probably more. A lot more. No way I can just go back there, no matter how  
much my heart aches for me to do just that.  
  
Yeah, I know what Scott and Jean think. It's just a childhood crush that  
I'll grow out of. The "He saved her life and she adores him like he's  
her knight in shining armour because of that" routine gets old pretty  
quick and so does the pitying looks.  
  
It's not like that at all! Well, maybe a little bit. Microscopic.  
No, now I'm lying to myself and not very convincingly either.  
It's just, I don't know. Impossible not to fall in love with him.  
And not just because he's good-lookin' either. How can one not  
love such a tender, protective and caring guy? I refuse to believe that   
he's not that. Everything he did before he left really made the impression  
that's what he is. Usually deeply hidden but there if you know what  
to look for. If he hadn't been, why would he stab himself to help me  
and the others at the statue? He really is a man filled to the brim with   
contradictions. Both the man I love and the brutal savage. Maybe that's  
what's making him so fascinating?  
  
And more than that, we're so much alike it's uncanny. Both proud beyond  
reason, stubborn, temperamental, emotional. And this tendency to run  
away when things don't go our way. The only thing really makes us  
different is our ages and that's a non-issue really. My dad's 16  
years older than my mom and their relationship turned out fine.  
Except for the throw-your-daughter out-on-the street bit but that was  
mutual for their part. They didn't fight about it. They just did it.  
  
So what do I do about this mess? Swallow my pride and go back to Logan?  
Keep on running? Get back to Westchester?  
  
Door number two is the most appealing for some bizarre reason. Probably  
because that's what I'm used to. Westchester is a big no-no.  
  
Decisions, decisions. How I'd love if I could be that care-free girl  
I once was again, even for just a short while but I can't. I don't  
even know if she's still alive somewhere in me anymore. Or if everything  
that remains is the Rogue.   
  
I so want to be Marie and not only life-sucking Rogue. But I fear I cannot.  
Not by myself.   
  
Which means that my decision has been made for me. I will have to go back  
and let pride be damned! Don't know if Logan wants to see me the way  
I treated him. I guess I will soon find out. For better or worse.  
  
Let life be kind to me for once will you God? And let Logans heart  
be as big, loving and caring that I think it is. 


End file.
